Rage gets a bad reputation - we often hear of it connected to impulsivity, hatred, aggression, etc. It feels dangerous and a little frightening. Anger is often described with shame, like we (especially as women…) should be able to stay calm and always be gracious and empathic. Even in the mental health field, the language around helping someone with anger typically involves calming and grounding techniques, or skills for “managing” anger.
But fuck that. Sometimes, yes, anger is rooted in hatred and the goal is gaining power over (like racism, genocide, violence, etc.). That type of anger needs a heaping dose of empathy and some skills to ‘manage’ it to say the least…
What I am talking about though is anger rooted in love. It has a powerful, mothering, feminine quality to it, and has deep ancestral roots. This is Sacred Rage. This is anger in response to injustice and oppression, and the goal is freedom and wholeness and equality and love. And holy cow is it powerful.
All the women I keep company with these days are enraged at what is happening in the US (and all over the world). We are enraged that children are being targeted, abused, and gunned down instead of nurtured and protected. We are enraged that basic safety, healthcare, and nutrition are accessible only to the privileged while everyone else struggles to meet these basic needs. We are enraged at the blatant targeting of immigrants who have already made excruciating decisions on what’s best for their family based on things this very country promised them and is now revoking. We are enraged about the way our voices have been suppressed for generations, and about how this country has made it abundantly clear it will continue to do so. We are so, so angry about these and so many more.
If you, too, are steeping in feminine rage…welcome, sister. This is not rage to be soothed, or managed or calmed. This is rage that should be sharpened into a tool of action and used to tear down the systems that cause it.
It is, however, uncomfortable. So, if you are here looking for some ways to exist alongside your rage more intentionally and to ensure it is pointed in the right direction, give these a try:
NAME IT. Say it loud, repeatedly, and confidently for your current self, your younger and future selves, your daughter (or my daughter if you don’t have one), and for all the other women who haven’t been able to since the dawn of time. Say it with me: I AM ANGRY.
Find Community. I promise there are other women also dying to hear your rage and be heard by you as they express theirs. Hold onto each other and be a safe landing spot when you need a rest, comfort, or a helping hand.
Channel it. You are angry (rightfully so) at so many things. It can feel impossible to give attention to everything. Try to narrow it down to one area where you can make some impact and focus your energy there. Finding your role in the revolution will be more effective and sustainable for the long haul than trying to throw a little effort at a lot of things. Trust that the rest of us are doing the same, so everything will be covered if we work together.
Tend to your nervous system. Spend time in nature, get rest, fuel and move your body. Give long hugs. Take deep breaths. Hum. Work with a therapist or another healer to tend to your whole being. Not to tame or diminish your anger, but because staying grounded and regulated will provide a better stance for hurling our anger with intention right where it needs to go.
Most of all, as always, give yourself some grace because this is really hard. We can do this.